


Not Quite Love

by SophieD



Series: Alex Parrish and Sophie [5]
Category: Leverage, Quantico - Fandom
Genre: Cooking, F/F, FBI Agent, Femslash, Fugitive, Lake George, Lesbian Relationship, Love, New York, Secrets, Sex, Thief, Weekend trip, con artist, grifer, hide away, next day, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 17:39:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7371322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieD/pseuds/SophieD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the continuation of Rendezvous.  Alex and Sophie are still trying to figure out what exactly their relationship is and if they could ever make things work.  Sophie finds herself falling deeper when Alex shares her secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Quite Love

**Author's Note:**

> Love comments and questions. Just let me know if someone is out there!

Sophie comes to consciousness as she pulls herself into a luxurious stretch. She is wrapped in a cocoon of warm, fluffy white. As she moves the comforter from her face, her senses are assaulted by the evening light through the window and something new. A smell. She gets up to investigate, pulling a pair of sweats and a T shirt on as she goes. She finds Alex in the kitchen, wearing her own pair of sweats and stirring a bubbling pot. She gently lays her hand on the small of Alex’ back and leans over the pot for a good sniff.  
“That smells heavenly” she says appreciatively. Alex smiles.  
“Indian curry. My mom’s recipe. I hope you like spicy.”  
Sophie smiles back. “I love spicy.” She leans in and gives Alex a soft kiss. Alex turns into her and kisses her back. Just as she’s starting to enjoy where it’s all heading, Alex pulls away.   
“Dinner’s almost done. We should eat.”  
Sophie laughs. “We’re going to need our strength?”  
Alex laughs along. “Something like that.” She punctuates with another kiss and Sophie moans.   
“How long?”   
“Check the rice” Alex suggests but she doesn’t release Sophie right away, pulling her close by the waist. Sophie moans again and tries for another kiss but Alex dances away.  
While they eat, the women talk about their childhoods. Well Alex does anyway. Sophie never shares much with anyone, something that doesn’t go un-noticed by Alex.  
“You don’t talk about yourself do you?”   
Sophie shrugs. “There’s really not much to talk about.”  
Alex laughs around a mouthful of curry and rice. “You’re kidding right? I looked you up. You are quite well known.”  
Sophie smiles. “Am I?”  
“Well it seems that Sophie Devereaux is wanted in France. And England. And a woman named Christy Connolly, who just happens to match your description, is wanted in Luxembourg. Seriously, what could you possibly do to be wanted in Luxembourg?”   
Sophie smiles slyly. “Well for starters, they used to have some beautiful ‘crown jewels’.”  
“Used to have?”   
Sophie answers only with an enigmatic smile as she takes another bite of curry.   
“Are there any other aliases I should be looking for?” Alex asks.  
Sophie smiles again. “You’re good. You’ll figure it out.”  
Alex shakes her head. “Are you going to tell me which one is the real you?”  
“They’re all me. Or I am all of them. It’s hard to tell any more really.”  
Alex asks more questions and Sophie is just as vague in answering them. Finally Alex admits frustration.  
“Sophie, what are we doing here? I thought the point was to get to know each other. To find out if there is something real here. How can I do that if I don’t know who you are?”  
Sophie looks deep into her eyes. “You know who I am Alex. That’s the problem. I’m a thief. A liar. That’s why you and me, any of this, it’s a bad idea. Why it can never work for us. Why we should just let it be what it is. Call it chemical or hormonal or whatever. Maybe even friendship. But it’s not love. It can never be love.”  
“But what if I already think I love you?” Alex asks softly, her eyes teary.  
Sophie feels her heart break. She wants to tell Alex that she loves her too. But she doesn’t. She doesn’t think she can love anyone. She can’t when she’s not even true to who she really is. She decides that she needs to be harsh. Lay it out so that Alex understands. She thinks the words will hurt her as much as they do Alex.  
“Then you’re lying to yourself. Wishing, whatever. I like you Alex. I really like you. And I do like us together. But this is all it will ever be. Right here. Right now. Please don’t ask for more than that. Don’t ask for something I can never give. And if this isn’t what you want then say so and I will leave and we don’t ever have to see each other again.”  
“No” Alex whispers, “I want you. I need you. Maybe when all the mess is over, maybe then we can, we can at least try?”  
Sophie takes her hand. “Maybe. But you won’t be the same person then. And neither will I. You won’t need me like you do now. You need someone to believe in you. When it’s all over you’ll have friends again. A career. Maybe even a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend.” She smiles. “A real girlfriend.”  
Alex forces a smile. She squares her shoulders. Her moment of vulnerability is over. Her walls are back up. “I understand.” She gets up and pours more wine then takes her glass and Sophie’s and goes to the sofa in the other room. Sophie follows and sits close.  
“I’m sorry Alex. I really am.”  
Alex nods. “I get it. I do. Neither of us have the parts we need to be whole. Maybe that’s why we’re here.”  
“Maybe” Sophie answers her.  
“Can we still talk? Will you tell me something about yourself? Something that’s real? It doesn’t have to be important. Just something to let me know who you are?”  
Sophie opens her mouth but no sound comes out. She really has no idea what she might say. Alex understands.  
“Can I tell you something? About me? Something I’ve never told anyone? Something nobody knows?”   
Sophie nods. Alex holds her hand tight as she leans back against the cushions, her eyes closed.   
“I killed my father.” She waits but Sophie doesn’t say a word.  
“I killed my father when I was 12. He was an FBI agent. A good one too. A hero. Everybody loved him. But he had a secret. He drank. And he was mean when he drank. To my mother. They were arguing. He was drunk and he hit her. I thought he was going to kill her. I went and got his gun and I…I…I shot him. He died. My mother took the blame. Said she did it. The police believed her. They saw the bruises. They said it was justified. We never talked about it. She told me not to tell anyone. Then she sent me to India.”

“Oh my God” Sophie mumbles as she reaches for Alex. “I am so sorry. I had no idea. When I said, when I told you I saw a darkness in you, bloody hell Alex, I had no idea.”  
“It’s OK Sophie. There’s no way you could have. I never told anyone. Not the whole story. Not until now. And you were right. I do carry it in me. It is so much a part of who I am, I don’t know who I would be without the guilt, the shame.”  
“It’s OK Alex. You shouldn’t feel guilty. They were right. It was justified. You did what you had to. It’s awful that you were ever put in that kind of situation but you shouldn’t feel guilty. The real crime is that you never got the help you needed to deal with it. But it’s out now. You can start to let it go. It doesn’t have to be who you are. Not anymore.”  
“Thank you Sophie” Alex whispers.   
“That’s what friends are for” Sophie tells her with a squeeze.   
“I’m not going to cry. I’m done crying over it. You’re right. It is good to let it go.”  
“I’m glad Alex. I really am that I could help you.”  
“Sophie? There’s something else you can help me with?”  
Sophie recognizes Alex’ tone. “Yeah?”  
“Yeah” she replies as she leans her face close to Sophie’s. “You see I’ve got all this tension now and I could really use some help…”  
“Mmmm. And how exactly do you want me to help?”  
“I’m sure you’ll think of something” is Alex’ answer as she kisses Sophie. Sophie sighs deeply and kisses her back.  
“Lay down. Roll over” Sophie whispers.  
Alex does as she’s told with a smile. Sophie starts her hands up the back of Alex’ shirt, slowly kneading the muscles there as she nuzzles Alex’ neck. As her hands reach the shoulders, she pushes her shirt up and off before digging her fingers in hard, squeezing out the knots in the muscles. She can feel Alex begin to relax and sink into the soft sofa. She lays herself down flat and begins to walk her lips up the side of her neck. Alex shivers and Sophie is pleased to feel the goose bumps as they raise on her arms. She gently kisses the spot behind Alex’ ear that she just discovered herself and Alex shivers again. “You like that too?” she asks, her hot breath caressing Alex’ ear.  
“Yeah” Alex sighs.   
“What else do you like?” Sophie asks as she lets her fingers run down Alex’ arms. Alex starts to wriggle, trying to turn herself over. As she does, Sophie can’t help but stare at her ample breasts with their dark brown areolas, so beautiful and so different from her own. She reaches a finger and touches Alex’ nipple, fascinated as it responds to her touch.   
“I like that” Alex tells her as she arches her back, craving more. Sophie gives her what she wants, palming her breast and squeezing before going back to the erect nipple. Alex groans, still wanting more. She grabs at Sophie, pulling her down and attacking her mouth with her own. Sophie groans this time as Alex’ hands begin to work at her t-shirt. Alex lets her go only to pull the shirt over Sophie’s head before kissing her deeply again.   
Sophie finally pushes herself off of Alex and sheds her sweat pants. Alex quickly does the same and then they are back together, Alex on the couch and Sophie straddling her. They each have one hand on the other’s chest, teasing, while their other hands are busy elsewhere.   
They both begin to move, slowly at first. Alex lays one hand on herself, with her other, her fingers are deep inside Sophie, letting their bodies’ movements do the work, faster and harder until neither can wait any longer. With a loud moan, Sophie falls over the edge, the sudden contraction of her muscles taking Alex with her. As Sophie collapses on to her, Alex continues to pet Sophie gently until she comes again with a whimper. Sophie wraps her arms tight around Alex, trying to make the moment last forever.   
As she comes back to awareness, Sophie longs to say the words that she knows Alex wants to hear. She just can’t. Instead, she proposes another glass of wine and a change of location.   
The two women lie together long into the night, talking and touching and pleasuring each other until neither can keep their eyes open. They fall asleep in each other’s arms.  
Sophie wakes to a blinding light coming through the window. She turns her head toward the beautiful woman lying next to her. She smiles to herself as she thinks about the night before, how Alex can make her feel better than anyone ever has before. It’s not just the sex she realizes, though she has to admit it’s the best she’s ever had. No, she truly likes Alex. And she likes herself when she’s with Alex. She’s a better person when they’re together. Kind, caring, unselfish, words she’d never used when describing herself before.  
She likes this version of Sophie Devereaux. Maybe Alex is right, she thinks. Maybe this new person will have room in her life for a friend, a girlfriend even. She laughs out loud at that. She’s not gay, never even kissed a woman before and here she is thinking about a relationship. Besides a brief fantasy about Nate, she’s never considered a real relationship with anyone. She needs to spend some time thinking about that.   
She looks at Alex again as the woman’s eyes flutter open. She can think later. Right now, she’s going to make the most of what little time they have left.  
Sophie is sitting on the counter, watching Alex make lunch. They are both going to go their separate ways soon. Alex will go back to New York and the mess of her life. Sophie will go back to Boston, back to conning and scheming and stealing. And lying. First, she has something she wants to tell Alex.   
After they eat, Sophie and Alex load their belongings into their individual cars. Alex lingers, not sure what she wants to say. She is visibly relieved when Sophie takes her hand and suggests they go for a walk.  
They walk hand in hand down to the lake, walking along the shore until they come upon a short pier. They remove their shoes and sit quietly with their feet dangling off the edge into the cool water. Finally, Sophie breaks the silence.  
“Can I tell you something? Something about me? Something that I’ve never told anyone, not even Nate?”  
Alex nods and pulls Sophie’s hand into her lap.  
Sophie takes a deep breath.  
“I was married once.” She pauses, still unsure. She wants to share, to give something to Alex like Alex gave her the day before. She draws some strength from the courage it took Alex to share her story.  
“I was married. To a man named William. I was young. Very young. He wasn’t. And my name wasn’t Sophie then.”  
She pauses again and Alex has to give her a little nudge. “What was it?” She asks quietly.  
“Charlotte.” She takes another deep breath. “My name was Charlotte then. It was my stage name. That was where it all started. On stage. With William. He was my escape. From my boring and lonely life. I thought that being married to a man with a title, with money, I thought it would make me somebody. And it did. For a time. I was a Lady. Lady Charlotte Prentiss. It was the most magnificent role of my life. But I was lying. To William. To our friends. To myself. I was still lonely. And bored. I didn’t love William. I never had. I had lost myself. I wanted out. But I was young and stupid and William didn’t want a divorce. So I left.”  
Alex finds her voice “I’m sorry Sophie…”   
Sophie shakes her head. “That’s not it. That’s part of it but not the whole story. That’s not why I am the way I am.”  
Alex waits, giving Sophie all of the time she needs.   
“The English will forgive a lot but a fallen royal is something they cannot abide. I had nothing, not even my name. Nothing except my lies. I created a new me. I was everything I had ever dreamed of. Not only a royal but someone that other people liked. That I liked. And when that persona stopped working, I created another. I was good at pretending. Much better than I ever was at being myself. I learned I could manipulate people with my words and my looks. That I could have the money and the things that I had always wanted. But most importantly, I learned that I loved the game. I became a grifter. A chameleon. A thief. But what I never learned…”  
She swallows hard. Stories are easy, self-discovery and admitting weakness, they aren’t. Alex waits. Understanding.  
“I never learned that I could love. That I was worthy of being loved. I never learned to love myself.”  
“Oh Honey” Alex touches Sophie’s face, turning her so she can see her eyes. “You are. You know that right? You just need to let someone love you.”  
Sophie blinks back a tear. “No. No I’m not.” She whispers. “I know you want to. I want that too. You don’t know how bad I want that. But that’s not my life. Not the one I chose for myself. And that’s why you need to go. I’ll be there for you of course. Me and everyone else. We’ll make sure you’re safe, that no one can hurt you. We’ll figure it all out. But when it’s done, when you have your life back, we won’t be together. We won’t be lovers, not even friends.”  
“I don’t believe that!” Alex says, her voice cracking. “I don’t want to believe that.”  
Sophie sighs. “I know.” She stands and pulls Alex to her feet. She wraps her arms tight around the smaller woman. “I’m sorry.”   
They walk in silence back to their cars where Sophie pulls Alex into another hug. She kisses her gently, neither wanting to let the other go. Finally Sophie pushes her away. She gets into her car quickly before Alex can see her tears. She doesn’t move until Alex’s car is out of sight. Her fingers go to the scar on her collarbone. “I’ll never forget you Alex. I do love you.”


End file.
